For years, I have felt a tremendous burden to minister and communicate truth that is relevant, transformational, unifying, and redeeming. I don’t know that I fit under any one sort of prototype of minister or pastor, but I know that what I do is raw, real, different, unique, fun, and effective. Many times, I feel like the outsider looking in or a misfit of sorts because of the nature of what Infuzion® is and what my call to ministry is in the first place.
It can be a very lonely road at times. For me personally, I deal with issues inside of insecurity and anxiety. I don’t try to mask this reality or hide it in a world that is already filled with a ton of masks. I don’t want to add to the falsehoods of pretend personalities already running rampant in our world today. I simply want to be the man, husband, father, youth guy, that God is calling me to be today. I am hungry to be part of reaching a generation under the guidance and direction of The Lord, but walking this lonely road can be burdensome, overwhelming, and tiring.
I am in a place of being tired right now. My emotions are scattered and, at times, questioning what is to come. My wife, Marie, mentions to me on a continual basis to walk in the areas of certainty with regard to what is to come. She reminds me who is the lifter of my head and the one who guides my paths. I am coming off of several weeks of incredible winter camps where God was on the move healing people spiritually inside and challenging others to grow in their walk with Him. It was awesome and worthy of celebration, praise, adoration, and thanksgiving. As a speaker and communicator of the Gospel, this charges me up with encouragement. The thing is though is there is a ‘but’ to this whole paragraph that just trips me up inside and grabs the attention and focus off of the One that matters most, Jesus.
The ‘but’ to this blog entry is the immediate news of some challenging situations that I am facing this spring. I won’t get into the details, because this is not the place nor the space to list what is happening, but seeing these obstacles on a human and flesh level makes it feel like the situations are insurmountable! God has to overcome in some of His mysterious, undefined ways. In the meantime, it’s easy to feel weighed down and simply stuck waiting for these events to come.
I know that I am speaking in generalities here, but it is worth repeating that this is not the place to gripe and complain. I only acknowledge the reality of feeling stuck and even crippled by the news of what is to come. I am working through some feelings of frustration and isolation, but I also don’t want to rush the process. God is going to get me through this season, as He has done in the past. He is the one that is going to cancel out the feelings of being stuck and show the reality of movement in Him alone. The process is a good one to walk through, too, with Him by your side. Avoiding it will only bring me back to these feelings once again and the process might be that much more cumbersome.
I am glad that I am not alone in this. I know that there are others that are going through difficult seasons of life and wonder what is God going to do to show Himself off. For many it comes at the eleventh hour and our response needs to be to continue to trust and rest in Him. I am excited about what God has done in and through Infuzion this winter season. There are great events coming and life transformations that are going to be taking place. I believe God is going to keep using this ministry to reach a generation. The best is yet to come and in the midst of it all, we work through the dry, wilderness seasons in order to have the fruit come that will reveal the incredible power and work of God alone.
For the Kingdom, Jay
